Navigating difficult conversations in volunteer settings: A guide for leaders of volunteers

Leaders of volunteers are often at the heart of complex interpersonal dynamics. Whether it's addressing inappropriate behaviour, resolving conflict between volunteers, or managing tensions between staff and volunteers, difficult conversations are an inevitable part of the role. When handled well, these moments can build trust, strengthen relationships, and reinforce the values of the organisation. When avoided or mismanaged, they can lead to disengagement, resentment, or the loss of valued team members.

Difficult conversations don’t have to be destructive. With the right approach and tools, they can become opportunities for growth and alignment. Here’s how leaders of volunteers can confidently navigate these challenging moments and foster a culture of respectful, honest communication.

Understanding the Nature of Difficult Conversations

Difficult conversations often involve issues such as:

• Performance concerns (e.g., reliability, communication, task completion)
• Behavioural challenges (e.g., disrespect, insensitivity, boundary-crossing)
• Conflicts between volunteers or between staff and volunteers
• Organisational change (e.g., role restructuring, reduced hours, policy updates)

What makes these conversations difficult is not just the topic, but the emotions attached: fear of offending, dread of confrontation, or worry about damaging relationships. Volunteer leaders must be both empathetic and assertive—clear about expectations while compassionate in delivery.

Practical Tips for Managing Difficult Conversations

1. Address Issues Early and Informally
Avoid letting small issues escalate into major problems. Address concerns promptly, ideally through informal one-on-one conversations before they become formal interventions.

Action Tip: If a volunteer is regularly late, gently raise it during a check-in: “I’ve noticed a few late arrivals recently—how are things going? Is there something getting in the way?”

2. Prepare with Clarity and Purpose
Before initiating a difficult conversation, prepare by identifying the core issue, what you hope to achieve, and how it aligns with the organisation’s values. Focus on facts, not assumptions or hearsay.

Action Tip: Write down key points and examples. Rehearse how you’ll open the conversation and keep the tone calm and respectful.

3. Create a Safe, Private Space
Always have sensitive discussions in a private, neutral setting—never in front of others or in public spaces. Respect confidentiality and approach the situation with curiosity, not judgement.

Action Tip: Schedule a dedicated time in a quiet room and begin by setting a positive tone: “I appreciate your time today. I wanted to talk with you about something important, and I value your perspective.”

4. Use a Collaborative Approach
Adopt a problem-solving mindset rather than a disciplinary one. Frame the conversation around shared goals: improving the volunteer experience, maintaining a supportive team environment, or ensuring the mission is served well.

Action Tip: Use “I” statements to reduce defensiveness. For example, “I’ve noticed some tension during team shifts, and I’d really like to understand your view on what’s been happening.”

5. Listen Actively and Empathetically
Give the other person time to speak. Listen without interrupting and reflect back what you’ve heard to show understanding. People are more receptive to feedback when they feel heard.

Action Tip: Say things like, “It sounds like you’ve felt overlooked since the new volunteers joined. Is that right?” This builds connection and trust.

6. Be Honest but Kind
Don’t sugar-coat or avoid the truth, but do deliver it with empathy. Honest feedback, when delivered with kindness, helps volunteers grow and prevents misunderstandings.

Action Tip: Use balanced feedback—acknowledge strengths while highlighting areas for improvement. For example, “You bring great energy to the team, and I’d like to talk about how we can channel that positively during group activities.”

7. Support Conflict Resolution Between Volunteers
If a conflict arises between volunteers, facilitate a structured mediation where each party has time to speak and be heard. Encourage them to focus on impact rather than intent, and guide them toward mutual understanding.

Action Tip: Use ground rules such as “one person speaks at a time” and “speak from your own experience.” Ensure the tone remains respectful and the goal is resolution, not blame.

8. Involve Staff When Necessary
If the issue involves staff and volunteers, it's crucial to manage the power dynamics thoughtfully. Advocate for volunteers while maintaining professional boundaries and ensuring organisational policies are followed.

Action Tip: If a volunteer raises a concern about staff treatment, listen first, document the concern, and bring it to the appropriate manager or HR contact for further handling.

9. Follow Up and Document
After any difficult conversation, summarise the discussion in writing and outline any agreements or next steps. This reinforces accountability and provides a reference point if issues continue.

Action Tip: Send a follow-up email: “Thanks for meeting today. I appreciate your openness. As discussed, we’ll check in again in two weeks to see how things are going.”

10. Offer Support and Training
Provide volunteers with access to conflict resolution training, codes of conduct, and support services. Reinforce the idea that communication challenges are a normal part of working with others and can be worked through constructively.

Action Tip: Include communication and teamwork modules in volunteer onboarding, and offer refresher workshops annually.

Building a Culture of Constructive Communication

The ultimate goal is to build a volunteer culture where honesty, kindness, and accountability go hand in hand. When leaders model respectful communication and show courage in addressing issues early, they create a psychologically safe environment for everyone.

Encouraging feedback, listening well, and standing firm on values sets a strong foundation. Volunteers—whether long-term or new—will feel more secure knowing that concerns are addressed fairly and compassionately.

Final Thought

Difficult conversations don’t have to be dreaded. With preparation, empathy, and a focus on shared purpose, they can become powerful tools for building trust and strengthening the fabric of volunteer teams.

Written by: Cheryll Martin QSO, Volunteering Auckland